God spoke...

There it was...the "voice" I'd been waiting on, loud and clear. Sitting in church on May 6th, 2012, God spoke to me, us, in a BIG way. After struggling with infertility challenges for years, both in a previous marriage and for the nearly 3 years of ours, for the first time ever I heard and saw God's parenting plan for us with clear eyes and a peaceful heart. We WERE going to be parents and it was going to be via domestic infant adoption! Yippee!

Now it wasnt an easy road getting there. For the past 6 years of my life, I felt like I was in constant tug-o-war with God. My gentle, hopeful prayers for a child soon turned into screaming and begging God for a child...of my own. You see, I wanted it my way. I wanted to get pregnant, have a beautiful baby and live happily ever after. For most, this is "normal", expected really. You get married, a year or two later you announce your first pregnancy...everyone oohs and aahs about you and your impending miracle and calls you "blessed". Healthy, beautiful baby arrives and all is well with the world and they each tell me how much joy a baby brings and how full their heart is with love like they've never known. And there I stand,  empty womb and empty heart,  longing to feel a baby, my baby, growing inside of me and with my heart longing to know that kind of love.

For months after the specialist muttered the words, "it's time to consider IVF", we avoided the talk of anything dealing with making decisions about our next step to parenthood.....before we knew it, a year had passed and we sure weerent getting any younger or more fertile. Though, there was a big part of me that enjoyed just being me during that time and not being defined by my ovulation cycle and my body being treated like a science experiment, our house and hearts were still empty.

Ultimately, we didn't have to have that conversation and make a tough decision. HE, our most gracious and loving heavenly Father, made it for us....adoption was HIS plan for us all along. I'll never forget that morning sitting in the pew with tears streaming down my face and feeling God's presence so strongly and experiencing the literal feeling that a ton had been lifted from my shoulders. It was as if he was saying, "it's okay my child,  let go of this burden... Be assured I have  a greater plan for you and your family and you will know what a full heart and home like, just have faith." so that what leads me to beleive that...FAITH LEADS TO 3!!